Insecure
by Matrineal
Summary: Rufus and Elena share their last night together before her big mission at the Northern Crater, and he isn't willing to let her go....


**A/N: Wow... I think this is the longest oneshot I have ever written. It takes place during and interval of one of my stories that is definately coming up soon. Please review!! I hope you guys haven't gotten bored of me. TT Anyway, if you like this, that's great. Please review. If you don't, that's ok too. Love ya! **

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII, nor do I own Rufus Shin-Ra or Elena.

Insecure

His embrace was all that she needed at the moment. It wasn't as if Elena was alone at this time of her guilty conscience. Rufus was right with her, his arms encircling her waist and his hot breath on her neck. She never thought that he would let their relationship get this far. Her caramel eyes roamed over their positions, attempting to recall _how_ it had become this way. The soft cotton of her nightshirt overlapped his hands, which remain laced together and rested atop her stomach. Rufus' bare chest constantly reminding the blond Turk that he wasn't ashamed of holding her like this, or of witnessing the Shin-Ra president undressed. A smirk played across his lips, watching the ever changing emotions on her features shift from slight contemplation to deep in thought. That was the interesting thing about this Young Turk; you could tell that she was thinking, but couldn't tell what it was that she was thinking about. He had no intention of sending her on that mission with Reno and Tseng to recover Jenova's head. He didn't even want to think about the consequences; the casualties that could be. Rufus squeezed her waist tighter against him. In a way, he felt so insecure without Elena around, it was almost maddening. Elena changed her position between his legs, fixing the blanket that covered them, and leaned into his chest.

Unsureness mocked her to make the Shin-Ra president release his hold on her from his embrace. Despite that, an overruling thought countered with a '_live the moment'_ vibe and contradicted every other thought of doubt she might've had. No speaking was needed in this silent ritual of spending time. All that mattered was that she was in his room, his bed, and his arms, with him, and she didn't have to feel so insecure like she often did nowadays. Rufus' sapphire eyes roamed over the thick white comforter that confined the two of them to his bed. How many times had he made love to her in this very bed? Two…? Three…? Rufus hated to think himself _'clingy' _because of this female Turk that was _supposed_ to be under his personal protection. Not that she wasn't, but he personally wanted so much more to happen between them, than just his responsibility of protecting this blond Turk that was entrusted and dedicated to protecting _him. _Rufus let their relationship become so deep; he often reflected on it and attempted to remember just _when _it was that he had bestowed a love for her without her knowledge. Beknowest to himself, that agreement they had made of letting each other know that they could move forward with this relationship, got lost somewhere. They had somehow managed to get themselves even deeper than necessary into this. Now, Elena was intent on going to recover Jenova's remains with Reno and Tseng. What was she trying to prove…? Did Elena want to _distance_ herself from him? Such negative thoughts didn't help him from keeping her. Rufus' embrace had become somewhat tighter around her waist. He couldn't let her go, he realized. Now that he had her, he wasn't content with the thoughts of what could happen the minute he let her go. Elena gave a tiny smile at the predicament of the Shin-Ra president's unwillingness to let her go, even in bed. A tiny giggle escaped her at the irony of one person wanting her so close, and the other wanting to control her life. Have those two concepts ever crossed boundaries? She would like to think not… Elena wanted to believe that Rufus loved her., even though he had never stated it verbally. Somehow, his actions always had this reassurance, as if they had gotten into a silent conflict and apologizing after a while to make amends.

He leaned down close to the blond Turk, placing a kiss on her check and causing a slight blush to grace her pale skin. A motion so innocent like that, could have so much meaning behind it. Rufus' cryptic language of silent motions puzzled her at times. And she tried to define every one of them, but ended up having to ask what was on his mind instead. The Shin-Ra president tucked a lock of blond hair behind his companion's ear, before whispering that fateful question. The one that always came to _her_ mind about him.

"What is it that you're thinking about?"

The question was whispered directly into her ear, as if not to disturb the rest of the invisible audience. Elena blushed slightly, the question now having effect on her most recent thoughts. What _was _she thinking about again? Her thoughts were now clustered together in a confusing mess, which she had to sort out manually. The blond Turk bit her lip, subconsciously weaving her fingers through Rufus'. These movements weren't alarming to neither of them, while Elena thought about the two things that had a grasp on her mind. Her mission the next day, and the stupid lying pregnancy test. Rufus wasn't ready for children… he had already said that earlier in the morning. She closed her eyes briefly, resting against Rufus' skin and letting a heavy sigh escape her. In a away, she wished she was pregnant with Rufus' child. It would bring her mind off of how insecure she felt around him. Shawn was out there; he could hunt her down and kill her if he wanted.

"It's about Shawn, isn't it…?" Rufus asked in a whisper, caressing her neck with his lips, and letting his touch dominate her body underneath her nightshirt of a soft cotton and lace. Pale blue looked good on her; he stored that information in the back of his mind. The sole thing that mattered at this moment was the intimacy he wanted to show her. Before they were torn apart by this mission and he wouldn't be able to see her again. Elena gave a sigh of content, closing her eyes and relishing the softness of his kisses, trailing up her neck, to her jaw and lips. Her caramel eyes drifted closed, as she leaned into the soft skin of the Shin-Ra president's chest and let her emotions take hold of her. He wanted this as much as she did, while slipping her nightshirt over her head, then tossing it to the floor. The chill of discarded clothing got to her, causing the blond Turk to bring up the sheet and comforter to the bare skin of her chest, thus letting Rufus massage the soft skin of her torso. Rufus was keeping his desire for her on the low. He didn't want to force her into it just because he could, but he didn't want to discourage her either. Such futile temptations were harder to deprive, than to please. The female Turk let a sigh escape her against his skin, while he took both her hands and led them to wrap around her waist under his. He encircled her in that tight embrace again, liking this game. Pleasing his _lover_ wasn't difficult at all. Not that he considered Elena to be _easy._ An average woman would jump at the chance to spend a night with him, whereas Elena was reluctant to even step one foot into his office.

Rufus was very much in control, catching the slight blush caressing her skin and taking note that everything he did made some kind of impact on her. Even just holding her like he was had a deep influence on her. She hadn't answered his question, meaning that Rufus had succeeded in distracting her once again. Taking her mind off that bastard of a boyfriend was what he tried his best at everyday, since Elena was placed under his care. The petite Turk wanted to think that she had lost her mind, falling into this _death-trap relationship_ with her superior. Rufus was dangerous, that fact dawned on her every morning that she woke in his embrace. How could he not let her go? She didn't see it… There were still a million other things plaguing her mind at this moment. But, her thoughts _always _rested on the mission that next morning. Rufus absolutely did not want to let her go on that mission. Elena could see it in the way he was asking her questions and letting his temptation have its fill of loving her so sensually. He normally wasn't this _open _about protesting her reasoning. She told him that she could handle herself earlier that morning, but he gave a heavy sigh, meaning that he wasn't pleased, but he would confide in her. However, Rufus wasn't going to fully give into her desire to go. It was more of a reluctance to let her have her way.

Elena knew perfectly well that Rufus was a man that was often, if not always, pleased with getting his way about everything.

"Just promise me this…" His smooth voice radiated inside her mind, that quiet voice he had adopted for that night was seducing her, unbeknowist to him. Or perhaps he did on purpose, for that reason exactly. Elena's caramel eyes remained closed, as she freed her arm and wrapped it around his neck from behind, bringing his lips to meet her bare shoulder. For some reason, she didn't want _any _conversation between them interrupting this evening. Rufus changed positions, letting his embrace on her loosen, then return over the top of the comforter, which was protecting her modesty, and finding the chance to nibble on her bottom lip as a sign of wanting to kiss her. It was such a childish, teenage game that amazingly interested him. Something a bit like wolves would do when wanting to show affection to kin. Elena was his _kin_ now, his awkward family that Rufus had chose her to behold knowledge about him, which no one else knew. He turned her jaw to face him, on her left and made that kiss he had given her, even deeper. He had never before let her initiate something, and he wanted it that way. Could he let the blond Turk kiss him first, hug him without warning, and let her admit what she felt, first? Did she even want to? To her, Rufus was so complex; her mind jumped a foot at something he did that was unexpected. She didn't know how he would react at all about anything.

In truth, Elena wanted a part of him to remain inside her; not just a memory, if something happened. That thought was ruined when she was reminded that Rufus would _never _oblige to something like that. His kisses trailed down her neck to her shoulder, again distracting her thoughts and only letting her concentrate on what it felt like, having the president of Shin-Ra Inc. so close to her. In a way, the concept seemed so unrealistic and such taboo that she had almost right then, pushed him away. Those doubts again, the scars were the only reminder of her terrible ordeal with her ex. How would things turn out if she pushed Rufus away out of fear of being hurt? His finger traced lightly down the pink line of stitches on her chest. Being reminded himself to take precautions when handling this fragile woman. If he was too rough, there was a possibility of seriously hurting her, and if he was too cautious, it would upset her that he wasn't acting normal despite what had happened. Elena was still healing, the last thing she needed was to be seriously injured by something that could have been prevented in the first place. Rufus again changed positions, brushing her short blond hair aside to kiss the back of her neck. Its radiant strands of platinum blond and darker under layer reflected a golden white highlight in his bedside lamp on his nightstand. The soft golden glow emitted brilliance like fire into his semi dark room. Much preferred over the blinding brightness of a florescent light in the office. The larger scar on her spine emitted a darker glow of red, a warning to stay away.

Under the skin were severed nerves, which often caused the blond Turk extreme shots of pain when pressure was applied. And other times, in other areas, there would be a place of which Elena could feel nothing at all. It was a small price to pay for an instant change in her build. Shalua had addressed the issue of baring children, warning her to take it easy if she were to be expecting any in the future. Elena had agreed willingly, despite the unexpected spike in her and Rufus' relationship. Six months and three weeks ago, the blond Turk wasn't expecting the Shin-Ra president to make such a deepening move on her as to make them closer. Six months ago, she wasn't sure of herself, confused about how Rufus felt, and contemplated on the possibility that he didn't feel the same. That what Rufus was doing to her was going to drive her into insanity. Those short six months were the time period where Elena was the most insecure and confused. Such similar feelings were rising again this night, causing her to slightly doubt her ability to take on this mission. Insecurity was the least of Elena's problems for what was to come, but clasped its evil hand around her neck, and made her choke on her doubts about what really mattered right now. To another degree… her insecurity could lead to her demise on tomorrow's mission; a risk. Elena had to push that feeling to the back of her mind and concentrate, not giving her doubts a home run and take her over. Rufus' hands roamed over the contours of her form through the sheet, memorizing every detail mentally, so if he were to return, that contour would be the same as before. He wanted Elena to be _his_ completely. No one else was to have her, and he wouldn't let _anyone _touch her like he had.

"Come back to me…" It was a demand. Rufus' sapphire gaze roamed over their positions, her chest rising and falling with each deep breath that she took just to tame that desire just to let the Shin-Ra president have her. Elena slipped her arm from out under the sheet to weave her fingers through his, feeling Rufus tighten his grasp over and around her hands. So much had happened… Her thoughts circled around in her mind, confusing her yet again. She didn't want to let him go, either. Silently, Elena promised him that she'd come back. There was nothing else for her, now that she thought about it. Rufus' chest rose and fell with an even breath behind her. At least she wasn't as seduced and confused as she was. In her opinion, he was the most _sober _male that she had ever met.

He never showed a slight intoxication to something, or a weaver in his demeanor to someone. It was something Elena envied and feared about the Shin-Ra president. To everyone, his attention was solely on his work. No one dared to occupy space in his thoughts. That might have been true before all this… In some awkward way, she pitied him for not entirely understanding the concept of love. To love romantically…

Perhaps he understood it well enough, and it was she whom was naïve about this. Her caramel eyes closed into slits, depression yet again grasping at her a locking her in a mental cage. The depressed side of Elena wanted nothing to do with anyone or anything around her. It was lonely and needed attention like a child. Fortunately, Rufus had caught this and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek to knock her out of it. Shawn was the reason why she doubted herself as a Turk, and what kept her closed down mentally. A doubt entered Rufus' mind as well. The question he had though, was _If he was depressing her even more by caging her like this and not letting her have her own life? _He thought about letting her go more than once, during this relationship. To fire her from the Turks and let her fly…

The thought was unbearable, while he squeezed Elena around her waist, closer to himself and buried his face in her hair. The blond Turk let out a slight cry of pain at Rufus' sudden motion, stunning her temporarily for a second, muttering a _sorry _under his breath. He _couldn't _let her go. The thought now terrified him more than ever in secret. Elena turned slightly, spotting her superior from the corner of her eye, and studied his sudden slip around her. She blinked, wondering what had gotten into him so suddenly. But just as she was about to ask, he covered her lips with his finger, thus silencing her. In a way, that motion discouraged her. Elena furrowed her eyebrows, wanting an explanation for his unusual behavior. Instead of receiving an answer, Rufus gave her a chaste kiss of reassurance. Another cryptic message. The blond Turk frowned at him, causing Rufus to bear his gaze deep into her soul. This silent language they spoke tonight was supposed to have a message plastered to it, wasn't it? Rufus wasn't giver her any clues and Elena's temper rose, while she watched a smirk play at his lips. He was liking this game very much, whereas Elena was loathing it. Rufus kissed her again, watching her reaction change from slight surprise to malice in less than two seconds.

He never showed so much for a woman in his life, as he was now with Elena. Her attitude amused him at times; often she would question his cryptic language with antics of her own. Though, now he had resulted in teasing her and making her miffed at his actions. Elena turned her chin away from him, only resulting in having the blond president return her gaze in his direction, and gave her an apologetic kiss. One that was longer than the others, and making her give a slight moan in contentment. What was it about him that made her become submissive to his desires? Rufus locked his arms around her waist a second time, caressing her hands in his, which lay atop the thick white comforter. He definitely wasn't going to be letting her go now. This game was too much fun. Furthermore, he had made Elena promise to return, even though he hadn't received an answer. There was no real need for one, when he knew the answer. Just like there was no need for her to feel so insecure while in his company.

That puzzled him some about her thoughts. She had never openly admitted about feeling so insecure… Was the thought of her ex coming after her, what was making her become so cautious and phobic about almost everything? For instance, Rufus had once raised his fist in a stretching motion, with her waking beside him in bed, and winced out of fear of being stricken. He realized that was what she would expect to happen with Shawn, but she seemed puzzled when there was no impact. She turned a quizzical glance in his direction at the time, her expression asking why he didn't hit her, when Shawn would without reason. The Shin-Ra president gave another smirk, leaning up against Elena's back and giving her a squeeze a second time, but this time using a more gentle approach. He hugged her a bit tighter, caressing her hands, and then trailing kisses down her neck like before with his eyes closed. He only wanted to feel the heat radiate from her skin because there wasn't any real need to witness what might become of the female Turk, before the night was over. Rufus was seducing her; she knew that she was under his control for the rest of the night. Elena's caramel eyes drifted closed, while Rufus lavished her neck in gentle kisses. Somehow, his blond hair had remained in that perfect style the entire day and she gathered that Rufus wasn't going to grant her a chance to run her fingers through it, not even once.

He was in control now, and she couldn't do a thing about it. Not that she wanted to anyway… Her mind wandered to the mission that was to take place the next morning, again. Could she even promise him that she'd pull through and return? Certainly, she loved Rufus, and she wanted to be with him. Though, there was a small knowing in the back of her mind, as if something was going to complicate this mission. Rufus distracted her, yet again from her thoughts, trailing a line of kisses up her neck to her jaw bone and lips. He pulled away, to move close to her ear and whisper a soundless _"You're mine…" _Elena was too far seduced to fully comprehend the meaning of those two words, asking herself mentally what they could exactly mean. Obviously, he had no intention of sharing her with Tseng. But that couldn't really be helped; he was her partner after all. Surely, that couldn't be what Rufus meant. Perhaps he meant something more sensual…

His cryptic language held too much meaning and so much she didn't understand. Another possibility was that when she returned, that she was to return to him and no one else. However, before she had gotten the chance to ask, Rufus replayed his message through to her by a deepening kiss, when she turned to face him. He definitely had no intention of sharing her, not sexually. He would murder anyone else who laid a finger on her with the intention of making love to her, when he was the one who loved her at that moment. And Rufus never needed words to prove it. Elena let her guard down, fully becoming vulnerable to the Shin-Ra president's coaxing kisses of intimacy, pushing aside her feelings of restlessness and insecurity just to feel Rufus before their departure in the morning.

--Fin--


End file.
